FLEXIBLE MASCULINITY

Mickey Skidmore, AMHSW, ACSW, MACSW

The rampage and carnage of more senseless gun violence continues. In fact, such violence in America is occurring with increasing and regular frequency. Yet, conservative law makers refused to even consider banning assault or military weapons, citing justification around outdated views associated with the second amendment. Last month the focus of my editorial was on women. This month, to keep things balanced the focus will turn to men.

Mass shootings are often debated as a bigotry problem, a mental health problem, an access to guns problem — and make no mistake, it seems past time that we should also began debating it as a “men” problem. Especially since the numbers suggest it is more of a men problem than any other kind. That we seldom broach it as such speaks to the fish-don’t-know-they’re-wet myopia of most of those framing the discussion. Meaning, of course: men themselves.

It is insufficient and probably unfair merely to indict men. Other countries have men — and for that matter, private gun ownership. Yet they don’t have the random gun violence that America does. Which suggests that the question is not “What’s wrong with men?” but “What’s wrong with American men?” What is it in that culture, in the things they teach them, in the way they socialise them, that so often leaves boys and men with this grotesque sense of entitlement, this ability to decide that because they are having a bad day, because they got their feelings hurt, because life hasn’t gone as they wished, they have a right to whip out a gun and make innocent strangers pay?

Everyone has bad days. Everyone gets their feelings hurt. Everyone grapples with life not going according to plan. Only American men seem to routinely take this as an excuse to shoot up churches and schools. After which, we get thoughts and prayers, candlelight vigils and signs proclaiming “_________ Strong” while the media probes for why this terrible thing happened — and keeps happening. Yet, time and again, we run right past the most promising line of inquiry there is. Yes, it’s important to know that he hated Asians. Or he wanted revenge. Or he got fired.

But it’s also important to take into account that “he” is almost always “he.” It’s time we asked the question — why?

For the time being at least, Australia does not suffer from the same level of gun violence prevalence in the US. However, the suicide rates in Australia are both concerning and alarming, and have been for some time. 75% of suicides in Australia are men. And contrary to conventional thoughts, as many as 65% of those sought help before their fatality (Seider, 2022). Again, it’s time we asked the question — why?

As we shine a light on some of these disconcerting issues, the questions that follow are often rhetorical, or perhaps reflective in nature. However, I believe a starting point for a productive conversation around some of these issues centres around the underpinnings of masculinity itself. 

Recently I focused on the concept of “strength” (Skidmore, 2022), in particular as it relates to masculinity. I highlighted a wide range of interpretations regarding strength. It was an acknowledgement and gentle challenge to the notion that masculinity is often rigid, fixed and predetermined. Thus, any expression outside of these boundaries punishes men; shames men for expressing themselves in different or unique ways. While there will almost certainly be cultural nuances in further conversations, ultimately, I believe we need to coalesce around the broad idea of flexible masculinity — widening the societal parameters and expectations of male emotive expression beyond anger, rage and violence. The alternative to avoiding such conversations means to further contribute to the damage of the male psyche.

Soon that we think — instead of asking “what’s wrong with American men?” we might also be asking a similar question about Australian men.

References

Pitts, Jr. L.  Miami Herald 2022.

Skidmore, M.  Strength  (June 2022 Perspective).

Seider, Z. Keeping Men In Mind: Understanding and Responding to Male Suicide and Distress.  AASW Webinar 10 August 2022.